INTERROBANG

Musings on life, the universe and an elephant named Flobo

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Love has never been easy. It is one of those things that has kept all of us up at night at least once in our lives. It can make you do things you never thought possible, dream bigger, dream brighter and scare the living hell out of you. Love makes up both fearless and stupid.

I have loved twice in my life and cared deeply for two others. This is not to say that I do not love my family. For me, that is a different kind of love, no less meaningful, but not the form that I am talking about now. The thing that has always struck me about L.O.V.E is the effect it can have over seemingly rational human beings. We all feel the need for connection and understanding with one another, yet what happens when a person falls in love, with love itself.

For those that do not understand, although I am sure you have probably witnessed this or experienced it personally at one time or another, I am talking about those who need to be in love. It can be difficult to figure out whether you belong in this category. I am sure that most people would not want to admit it to themselves, or others, if they were to fall within it. We all know those people who have to be in relationships, have to have a special someone on Valentines Day and make seemingly endless public declarations of love on social media. Yet, they run at the drop of a hat whenever the going gets tough. They are the people who tell every partner they have ever had, no matter how terrible the dates were, that they love them. Sure, it is nice to be told that by someone (you always hope it is someone you have mutual feelings or at least attraction towards) however,, how can you really know what is in their heart?

I hate the saying, “love means never having to say you’re sorry”. Love is painful, it can drive you stark raving mad, take your breath away and make you feel like you are drowning. I am lucky enough to have experienced it and although it isn’t always a walk in the park, I wouldn’t have traded my experiences. To truly love somebody, is to want to put someone else above ourselves. If you are lucky, the other person will feel the same way and you will exist in this strange relationship of mutually raising each other up. In its truest form – love can move mountains.

The problem with those that are in love with love is that they are so caught up in chasing the fairytale that they accept partners or hopeful partners no matter the treatment that they receive. To love someone means wanting what is best for them. Each of us have demons within that can certainly make life interesting at times, and those that are closest to us tend to bear the brunt of our mood swings. I have been involved in and witnessed many relationships that can be described by no other word than TOXIC. People who stay in these relationships do so by convincing themselves that things will get better, that their partner is tired or stressed out and doesn’t mean to be cruel or, perhaps the worst, that they deserve this treatment.

No one deserves to be treated in a negative manner. No one deserves to live a life where they are forced to silently hide tears in the hopes that they will go unnoticed and they will not incur the wrath of an angry partner. It can be so easy to get swept up in these cycles, and incredibly difficult to break out of them. I have personal experience with hiding behind the excuse of “but he told me he loves me”.  It is heart-wrenching when you finally admit the truth to yourself and realise that it is nothing but words. Sure, he may have thought he loved you. May, in fact, be so caught up trying to convince himself of the fact that he pays little regard to how he treats you. It is a bitter pill to swallow for both parties when honesty finally emerges.

Life is hard, there is no nicer way to put it. It is only natural that we cling to every little moment or chance for happiness that we can find. We should cling to happiness. In the darkness, it is easy to get lost and a single candle burns bright. It is all well and good to be in love with love, however, please do not let it interfere with your true happiness or your chance to find real love.

To love is to leap and I hope that we are all brave enough to jump off our own particular cliffs. Sometimes, we need to let our guard down and fear being made the fool because it is only then that we can really live and experience all that life has to offer. When you have been in love with love it can be difficult to break out of the pattern and when someone special comes along, you spend ages second guessing what your heart is telling you.

I always hear people referring to the butterflies in their stomach that are set aflight. It is how a lot of people measure whether or not they are in love. For me, personally, I have experienced the butterflies. They were intense and drove me crazy. Yet, the objects of my desire at those times were never anything but crushes. Love for me, is finding someone who can bring you peace. I read a quote that said:

“The Buddhists say, if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake,  your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your soul mate you’ll feel calm, no anxiety, no agitation.”

 

So, with that being said, I wish each and every one of you love. May you find it, may you cherish it and keep it close. May you place your own needs above the desire for an easy fix / fit and seek out truth.

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