In April I quit my job. At the end of May, I walked out of that office and away from some good people who I had worked with over the years. 3 months ago, I started a new job, after quite a bit of nail-biting and worrying about whether or not I had made the right decision to leave my last position. Today, I officially passed my probation period.
It has been quite a journey this year, starting with days when I absolutely dreaded going into the office and it would take every single ounce of strength to get me out of bed and into work each day. Don’t get me wrong. I was very glad to have a job. I just wasn’t handling the toxic environment that I had found myself working in over 4 years and I had not had the courage to speak up and question things too deeply.
I was the go to, the get shit done gal and my colleagues either loved, respected me or abused that knowledge. For those who don’t want to work, it is probably a great comfort to know that someone is standing by to cover your workload so as not to let the team down. I regrettably, was that person. I may have stopped being the Cinderella in my home life, however it took me far longer to shed those glass slippers at the office.
It can be incredibly demoralising to see good people being treated like shite while lazy, well-connected people are rewarded for barely lifting a finger. I am sure that this scenario is probably played out in most, if not all, work places around the globe. I do not think my experiences were the exception. Wading through the sea of office politics can be exhausting.
So, you may ask, what has changed.
Well, I now work for a company where I go to work each day feeling valued. Yes, there are still days when I momentarily feel like stabbing myself in the carotid with my biro instead of having to answer the same question for the 18th time, and I wish I were a better drawer so I could quite literally draw a picture. I may be decent at Pictionary, although my doodles aren’t going to be sufficient to get some principles and practices across…
I go into the office and am greeted by smiling faces, who, even if having a bad day will not take it out of me. And, if they happen to, will be quick to apologise. I am linked to an entire network of colleagues across multiple countries and although our meetings are all conference calls, I have felt more connected with these people than I ever did sitting in an office full of people.
I am not invisible. It took me a lot to shed my invisibility cloak and dare to be seen at work, instead of being the little mouse madly scrambling behind the scenes. There are still days when I feel like an absolute fraud and wonder why I was put in a management position however those days are starting to become less and less. I know that I have a lot to offer a workplace. I know I have ideas on how things can be improved or organised. And, I know that I have finally found a place where I can be heard.
No more miss invisible.