Musings on life, the universe and an elephant named Flobo

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“Til Death do us part” sounds like a rather innocuous line of vows however personally, I think it should be removed entirely.

Anyone who has truly been in love knows that death doesn’t really part anything. You still love the person. You just don’t inhabit the same plane of existence. Also, with divorce being permissible in most places around the globe (yes, some places have slightly differing laws and impose different rules on separations etc) it seems completely illogical to have this line kept in vows. Invoking death on your special day isn’t terribly pleasant, although if you’ve kept your guests waiting on a sweltering day while you go to a nice windswept location for the happy snaps – they may be half heartedly wishing it on your as their stockings and bow ties start to dampen with sweat.

I have always wondered how many murders have been committed due to this line. After all, you see it in movies and TV shows all the time. No, I am not saying that TV or movies are reality. However they certainly can mirror it and expose our darker sides.

What about the stereotypical gold digger waiting for the old fart she married to kick the bucket. The old dude may be more spry than she gave him credit for so of course she has to help him on his way.

Or, those that don’t believe in divorce. Surely murder is a bigger no-no. But you can’t help how some people think.

For me, I just found it confusing when comparing what was required to get married and what was required to become divorced.

Marriage = Proof of identity, proof that you haven’t married before or if you have that you have a divorce decree or death certificate, both sign a form saying you intend to marry, get someone official (minister or celebrant) to do the deed and then all three of you sign on the dotted line. Apart from the nightmare of having to choose outfits, guests and setting, it is a rather straightforward process that takes about a month beginning to end.

Now, Divorce on the other hand is more of a bloody marathon. In Australia you have to be separated for at least a year (I think it is a year and a day for some reason) just to make sure you really really really want out – shame you don’t have to make sure that you really really really want in, in the first place. Then you have to assemble all the documents, get legal advice, pin down the ex and get them to sign the documents and make sure they fill out the form correctly in the first place (my ex couldn’t even spell his own name properly in the end), submit the forms and get it witnessed at the local court then get a court date so you can stand in front of a judge and tell them you want out before waiting a month for the paperwork to arrive in the mail.

I was so happy when mine came that I celebrated and burnt my marriage certificate. Not like I would be needing it again… It was amazing I didn’t burn the house down since I was more than a little intoxicated at the time. Shhh, keep that to yourself. And I skipped the court date and left that up to my ex because I couldn’t handle facing him again.

Why does it have to be so bloody complicated? I think divorces should be similar to marriages in the first place. Sit down like human beings and figure out what you both want. If kids are involved, probably get a mediator in and of course – ask the kids what they want. Then get dressed up in you want – I think it would be more comfortable to go dressed in your pajamas. Unless of course you are in that stage where you are mortified at seeing you ex at the shops when you’ve forgotten to wear your makeup, haven’t changed out of your sweats for 2 weeks and have a bird’s nest of hair sitting awkwardly off your head because you have no idea where your brush has got to. If that’s the case go all out and dress up. Personally, I would dress down. Then like the M*A*S*H episode where Winchester thinks he got hitched to some nurse while in Tokyo on leave, have someone pronounce you unmarried – sign the bit of paper and be done with it. I think this would be a far more civilised approach and would probably save lives with people not resorting to whacking people in order to avoid the mess of a divorce.

These may be the ramblings of a divorcee but admit it, my divorce idea isn’t bad is it…

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