Musings on life, the universe and an elephant named Flobo


It has always astounded me with just how much stock people place in horoscopes.

I have known people who refuse to date others based on star signs. Some also wait to read the weekly horoscope in the paper before making any decision more important than “what shall I have for dinner tonight?”

Some important things to note when considering horoscopes:

  • Planetary positions are constantly changing so even if you happen to share the same birthday as another individual, the celestial bodies will be different.
  • You may have been born at the exact same time as another person however, due to time differences your birth dates are different. What if one of you is on the cusp and the other slightly more in a star sign?
  • Twins – even if they are identical looking, don’t always have the same personalities. Which is living life as assigned by the stars?


Now, I agree that horoscopes can be damn entertaining. And some people do seem to embody the essence of the star sign, imbued with the essential quirks and characteristics they are supposedly meant to have.

Let’s look at the traits.

Aries – Eager, dynamic and competitive. Expect them to all be called Max Power.

Taurus – Strong, dependable and creative. Ferdinand is obviously a Taurus. 

Gemini – Expressive, curious and kind. Sounds like a kitten before it has turned full evil on you.

Cancer – Protective, intuitive and sentimental. Protective, that’s coz of the shell right?

Leo – Dramatic, outgoing and self-assured. The king of the jungle will think he is king anywhere.

Virgo – Analytical, practical and loyal. How much analysing is too much? Is analysing my analysis simply a waste of resources?

Libra – Social and diplomatic. United Nations here we come!

Scorpio – Passionate, creative and stubborn. Aren’t all creative types stubborn? Watch out for that tail!

Sagittarius – Extroverted, optimistic and generous. I wonder if Richard Branson is a Sagittarius…

Capricorn – Disciplined, serious and independent. Remember, Jesus would have been a Capricorn…

Aquarius – Imaginative, deep and uncompromising. The “Water Bearer”… oh deep (insert facepalm for lame ass Dad joke)

Pisces – Affectionate, wise and artistic. So an owl that likes to paint (with the blood of the mice it has just “hugged” to death with its claws). 

I know quite a few people who fit into these star signs. I am a Virgo (could you tell), engaged to a Scorpio and bestie is an Aquarius – was also married to an Aquarius so still confused whether these signs are supposed to be compatible or not…

Chances are, due to the number of people who would fall within any of these star signs, some of them have to possess (or think they possess) some of these “traits”.

How many people have let star signs determine portions of their own identity from being inflicted with this “knowledge” from the heavens at an early age?

At the end of the day, we are what we are. I don’t personally think that some random person hiding behind a laptop churning out horoscope predictions to be printed in the paper (or published online) can really take credit for anything groundbreaking. Reading your daily horoscope is about as useful as checking the weather forecast: Today – it may rain and it might not. The sun might be out or it could be behind clouds. Equally, you are going to have a rather average day. The person in the cubicle besides you is secretly wondering whether to start an affair with your pencil sharpener since they have recently discovered they suffer from objectophilia.

If you are going to believe in horoscopes, go ahead. I would never try to stop you. However, DO NOT TELL ME THAT I AM ANALYTICAL… YES I SPEND TIME DOING REPORTING DURING MY DAY. IT IS MY JOB, NOT BECAUSE I AM A VIRGO!


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